Normalising feeling stuck after University whilst trying to navigate life in ‘The Big Girl World’.
By Lizzy Welch
You should probably listen to: Everybody's Changing - Keane
As I press refresh, for the 80th time this week, on Indeed (finding nothing new except another childminder advert which I am in no way qualified for), I do my regular hop over to LinkedIn to see if there might be a ‘Big Girl Job’ that is the exact description of everything I’ve been looking for. As usual, I am inexperienced for everything that seems ‘ok’ and my dream job has not magically appeared, of which, of course, I have no idea what that is. Instead, I’m met with yet another, ‘I’m so pleased to share’ post- fellow graduate friends who are onto their next promotions at the companies that they’ve been at for the last year, as well as the girl who I was ranting with last week about how we both feel stuck and can’t find anything.
Shock, it’s just me...again
It’s moments like this where I am taken back to being in my mum’s car; Tears streaming, listening to Keane’s ‘Everybody's Changing’ (THE song for my third year house), as we drove away from the place I called home for four years. It was in this moment I realised I wasn’t upset that I was leaving, but that I would no longer have my go-to excuse when the dreaded, ‘So what are you up to?’ or ‘So what’s next!’ questions were hurled my way at family functions, summer BBQs and home friend reunions.
Don’t get me wrong, I was so sad to be saying goodbye to my best friends and the life I’d made at university, but I was ready to move on. I was tired of the research, tired of the ‘What could you add to make it better?’ and tired of the education system. After all, I had spent 15 years learning, applying, repeating and crying. I was ready for a fresh start and was hopeful that I would finally find MY thing.
Before, there was something very comforting in knowing that when those dreaded questions were hurled at me, I could shut them down with the simple ‘I’m at Uni’ or ‘One more year for me’. Instead, I actually had to think now. People were expecting answers, or maybe they weren’t and it was just a polite conversation starter, but either way, I knew I had to find something: not even just to reply, but I was now in the real world.
Unfortunately, I still am very much in the real world. As much as I’d love to be in Barbie Land, I’m not. And I’ll be honest, it’s not all fun and games like I thought it would be when I was younger. I used to DREAM of doing nothing. Absolutely nothing, except lying horizontally, and re-watching ‘SKINS’ over and over again. But reality hit after I realised, lazing around and doing absolutely nothing is only fun when it’s a break from the hustle and bustle of uni life or from the Big Girl World. Whilst I was living the “dream” - I was also feeling the worst I’d ever felt. Turns out having no purpose whatsoever is actually really unfulfilling. Who would have thought?
For me, I decided I needed SOMETHING to look to. I didn’t know what I wanted to do except for the fact that I knew I wanted it to be creative. Preferably something that I could actually use my degree for. However, I didn’t quite know what that would be yet. So I thought ‘I know! I’ll go travelling!’. Yay, a new response to those dreaded questions. Another buffer I could use to give myself some more time to find that lightbulb moment where my future career would click. So, I got a part time job, saved up and set off to Thailand with some of my closest friends as we set off for our five month South East Asia plan. How exciting! So exciting in fact, that I was on a flight back home after just 6 weeks. After the best time ever, feeding Elephants, drinking in rubber rings floating down a real lazy river, and seeing the famous ‘Full Moon Party’, I was hit with yet another reminder from the universe that this was not for me!
What the fuck.
When would I finally enjoy something? When would I be the one who knows what the hell to do? Frustration was only one emotion I was feeling as I watched the months continue to pass whilst living off the savings that were meant to be spent on this once in a lifetime experience that was no longer taking place, and yet there I was again, lying horizontally watching SKINS, season 2. Except this time, I was determined to make some serious changes.
Speaking of experience, I decided to get some.
How would I find my thing in the creative industry unless I actually went and saw it for myself? However, living in the middle of nowhere definitely did not help me when it came to this, and so I decided it was time. It was time to scroll down in my notes app to find the note entitled ‘people’ in which there were a couple of emails of friends of friends and family friends of friends who knew someone who worked in the industry. I began stringing the words and sentences together and hit send. Something I had always been too scared to do, as I never knew what I was actually asking. But I was out of options. I can’t keep sitting here pretending I’m like the teenagers that I see on my screen and I actually want to make something of myself.
It was at this time that I realised the importance of making peace with my situation.
I cannot control the fact that I do not know what to do yet and that is OKAY! Sure, I could speak to my dad’s friend's uncle about that internship in finance. That would be someone else’s dream so why wouldn’t I take that opportunity? But that’s not what I aspire to do! I made a promise to myself to stop comparing myself to other people around me. Stop trying to step into shoes I don’t fit into yet, and more importantly, stop looking at bloody LinkedIn!
Life after Uni, especially as a creative or even as someone who just doesn’t know what they want yet, can feel like a never ending cycle of feeling stuck, and no matter how many times people tell you ‘You’ll find your thing!’ you feel like it’s just not possible for you. But that’s where I come in to tell you that this feeling isn’t abnormal! And yes, I do still feel that way a lot of the time. Even a year after University, not a lot has changed.
The truth is, that it’s your life, and you have to let yourself sit in the slump in order to build up that motivation and find what you desire. Stop trying to find answers without doing the research. You took months reading and researching for your dissertation I’m sure. Yes, some people manage to do it overnight, but that’s what you’d be doing if you jumped into something without really taking that time to process the steps needed to get there. It’s important to let go of that ‘future’ dread feeling and allow yourself to soak up this time of the unknown.
Get yourself a ‘ fill-the-gap’ job - No shame in being a Barista while you think about being the next PR Manager at Skims or the future Buyer for Burberry!
The point is, you’ve got time.
You’ll look back on this time in your life and miss it, because you’ll know that this was the start of it all. Find people who you can actually relate to instead of focusing on your peers who may seem to have it all figured out (the truth is, they probably don’t and are jealous you’re taking your time to find that thing that really fits. They were probably the ones who rushed their dissertation. Or they know exactly what they want to do. Good for them. Can’t relate).
There are groups of women just like us out there that feel the same, so get speaking to them as I can guarantee it will make you feel a lot less alone. An amazing group to have a look at for this is, Gals Who Graduate on Facebook!
Trust in yourself and as cringe as it is, trust the process.
I promise you, and I hate to be that person, (because I too hate that person), but you will find your thing one day. I hope I will too.
Maybe this could be my thing? Who knows.
Love from, a girl who also has no clue x
