By Kim Dickson
I think there’s nothing quite as exciting and confusing as having a new crush—we’ve all been there: it's this strange mix where even the tiniest things, like making eye contact or hearing them say your name, suddenly feel like a huge deal (seriously, why is hearing your name so thrilling?).
Crushes are universal; it doesn’t matter who you’re crushing on, there’s nothing like scheming with your friends or trying to orchestrate even the smallest interaction. No matter how old you get, a crush can make you feel like a 16-year-old again. It’s a chance to escape reality and indulge in a moment of fantasy.
Don’t be embarrassed about having a crush on someone, or not having a crush on anyone at all.
There’s a certain sense of hope that only seems to come alive in specific situations, and having a crush is one of them—the endless possibilities of what could be, the hope that you might see them around, the hope that they might come to that one party.
What’s confusing though, is that we don’t always understand our crushes. Sometimes, I can’t even explain to my friends why I’m suddenly so into that one person. It just happens. Crushes can be inexplicable.
I'm a firm believer that there's nothing wrong with having a crush, but there's a fine line—we should never let that crush become the centre of our attention. You should always remain the centre of your own universe (which is different from thinking you're the centre of the universe).
I'm as guilty as any other girl of projecting my 'what ifs' about my ideal partner onto a crush, building them up to seem more perfect than they are. It’s easy to turn someone into my ‘type on paper’ without really even knowing them. We’ve all done it, but I was once told: The beauty of a crush lies in the possibility, not the perfection.
A little self-awareness can go a long way. There’s a poet, Richard Siken, who captures the messiness of crushes in his collection Crush—how they can be intense and, if we aren’t careful, all-consuming. His poems reflect the mix of excitement and vulnerability that comes with having a crush. He has this one line I always think about: ‘Everyone needs a place. It shouldn’t be inside of someone else.’ It’s a great reminder not to lose ourselves in another person, no matter how tempting it might be. It feels natural to crave closeness, but we shouldn’t depend on someone else for our sense of belonging.
I recently learned a new word that shifted my view on crushes—‘limerence’. Apparently, it refers to that obsessive, all-consuming infatuation some of us fall into. You know that friend who never stops talking about someone who doesn’t even know they exist? That’s limerence. It’s a little like Carrie from Sex and the City, obsessing over Big even after he’s married. Limerence isn’t inherently bad, but it becomes a problem when it starts to mess with your sense of self-worth.
Crushes today are different. In our swipe-right culture and constant access to people, it’s easy to think we’re owed someone’s attention. Social media makes it worse—constant access to people makes it easy to get caught up, over analyzing every message or lack thereof, or even if they just watched your Instagram story. We start taking a delayed response as rejection, letting it affect how we feel about ourselves.
And TikTok? It’s the crush’s worst enemy, often turning non-issues into catastrophes. If someone doesn’t reply to your text right away, TikTok says, ‘If they wanted to, they would.’ But let’s be real—there have been plenty of times when I wanted to, but didn’t, either because I wasn’t confident enough or just didn’t have the time. When it comes to crushes (or even love), please ignore TikTok’s oversimplified advice.
Sometimes, we’re all just the blind leading the blind, especially when it comes to love or even just crushes. No one really knows what they’re doing. Every interaction is unique, with its own complexities, so there’s no foolproof way to approach them. But one thing is certain—limerence thrives on nostalgia and fantasy. It’s normal to replay moments in your head, but when we start exaggerating what the relationship is or could be, things can get messy.
A crush is often just a lack of information.
Sometimes, when we get to know our crush better, the attraction starts to fade. Not everyone is meant for everyone, and you won’t truly like every crush you have. I also want to point out that someone is allowed to not like you back, no matter how amazing you are. It’s harsh, but it doesn’t make them the villain—like I said, not everyone is meant for everyone.
I had to learn that the key to having healthy crushes is understanding that not every crush is destined to become your soulmate. Crushes should be fun. They’re about getting butterflies and daydreaming a little—not about stressing over texts or building someone up into your soulmate before you even really know them.
So, let’s make a deal: I’ll stop checking if they’ve replied to my text if you stop checking the last time they were online. And one more thing—don’t panic just yet. You will find the person who’s meant for you. They’re out there looking for you as well; they just may not know it yet. In the meantime, it’s perfectly okay to have a silly little crush on someone.
