LOVE FROM: FOMO, does it ever get better?
FOMO, does it ever get better?
By Lizzy Welch
You should probably be listening to: Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Keywords:
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
YOLO: You Only Live Once
If I were to define FOMO, I would probably say that it was the irritating, manipulative and deceiving cousin of YOLO. Disguising itself as fun and spontaneous, FOMO is actually closer to an annoying and repetitive advert, constantly making you feel that this time, just like all the others, you really shouldn't miss out. Except, we easily scroll past or delete adverts. Fomo…not so much.
The beauty of FOMO, (It’s irritating me even more having to constantly type it in caps), is that it stems from a monumental or unforgettable experience. Everyone has had at least one of those nights. Where everything was funny, the most unbelievable coincidences happened and a group chat was created because of it. Those nights are the ones we cherish and hold closely in our hearts. But they're also the reason we fear missing out on another one. We chase these moments like children chase after the end of a rainbow. Searching for that feeling of connection with those around us, feeling like we're experiencing fate first hand, and terrified that others will make these core memories without us there!
Yet, what we seem to get confused about, is that we are probably not going to be experiencing ‘the night of our lives’ at the local pub for the tenth Friday in a row. Nor are we missing out on going to the same night club event that we go to every weekend, where once again, we come home early, cheesy chips in hand, fifty quid down the drain, and sat in bed wishing we didn’t bother.
That is more likely, than bumping into your soulmate or discovering that that girl's hair brush you borrowed in the toilet, went to the same uni as you, and now you'll be best friends forever and ever and oh what a night! No. Probably not.
A place where FOMO thrives better than a VK down a freshers throat, is University.
FOMO is something that I, along with nearly everyone I know, has experienced. As someone who has suffered with anxiety and has often felt like without being present, people could forget about me, I was FOMO’s perfect victim, and so were lots of my friends. I often found it difficult to distinguish between people hyping up what was genuinely going to be a good night, or someone else’s FOMO, and them wanting people to go with them. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of these nights out were fun, and not EVERY night out was a FOMO night out, but overtime it became harder to distinguish the difference. It was tiring. And after a while, the life and soul of the party gets sucked away, as every night begins to look the same.
FOMO definitely followed me around for the four years at University, however it became less and less overwhelming as each year went on. By my last year, when someone in our house would suggest going out, and I’d hear the confident ‘nahhh I can’t be arsed’ coming from the kitchen; it was like music to my ears. Sometimes, just having someone else to share that disgusted look with when someone mentions the Student Union on a Saturday night, is what life’s all about. PJs on, ‘I'm A Celebrity’ in the background, Maccies Deliveroo on the way and a chit chat about how annoying the fridge space is, whilst living with your best friends. THAT is one of those memories you take away with you.
Maybe I’m just getting boring and/or older, but after a year away from University and adapting to life at home, I no longer really experience FOMO when it comes to the weekend. There is nothing to do where I live, all of my friends are scattered around the country, or the world for that matter, and we are all on completely different paths. Other than comparing ourselves to our career paths, (read my article on navigating life after uni for tips on this one), there isn’t really much to fear missing out on. Yes, I sometimes get jealous of my friends who ended their travels living in Australia, or of my boyfriend going on a night out with his friends as mine aren’t around, but overall I'm quite content not throwing up on a Sunday morning, sitting with hangxiety or repeating ‘that wasn't worth it’ as soon as I get in.
Instead, it’s those moments cuddled up with the girls on the sofa, or my housemates popping their heads round the corner to rant to me about what they're going through, or making a Sunday roast for all our friends who live round the corner.
I may sound like a grandma, but I promise, I'm not. I actually love a night out and I miss that phase of constantly finding the next event to go to. Bonding with my friends about how shit we feel whilst we slap on makeup and shove dry shampoo in our hair as we prep for the third night out in a row - it was so fun, and I still do it now, just not as much. But I've learned that it is okay to just chill and not feel the need to go out just to show people on Instagram that I am fun or that I'm happy. Everyone just skips stories now-a-days anyway so all you’re doing is trying to prove something to yourself. The reality is that genuinely no one cares apart from those closest to you, and they do not give a shit if you're out every weekend or if you’re sitting reading with a green tea. The people who care about you shouldn't be judging you for how you spend your time and you should start taking notice of what you want to do, and not what you might be missing out on if you don’t do things you don’t want to do anyway!
Upon reflection, I have way more memories of those wholesome nights in, or those little trips to the small Sainsbury’s, or giggling in my best friend's bed. I wish I could go back and tell myself that, because then maybe I would have spent less time worrying and more time soaking in the good times. I might have avoided some dodgy friendships, or even enjoyed some of the big nights out even more, as I wouldn’t have been so exhausted! But it is important not to look back and regret things! Now, I have FOMO of the past, not the future, and I am determined not to look back on this period of time of my life and feel this way.
So if you are struggling with FOMO, or questioning whether you’re focusing on the right things, make sure to check in with yourself. Remember that what's most important is doing what YOU want to do. And try to find the positives in your day-to-day life, rather than saving it all up for another unsuccessful Saturday night!
Love from, a girl with no clue x
