Cherishing Long Distance Friendships: Growing Closer Despite the Distance

Cherishing Long Distance Friendships: Growing Closer Despite the Distance
By Daisy Stonier

Floating between overflowing schedules and different life stages, friendships in your twenties can make trying to get a date into the calendar to see one another feel like an almost impossible task at times. ‘Miss you’ texts are a regular occurrence and belated catch-ups result in tangled storylines and forgotten details in the various experiences going on in each of our lives.

Imagining my adult friendships to be the same as school was not the most accurate picture to paint, as we are no longer living by the routine of English & Maths, cartwheels in the playground, and heading home at 3pm. Instead it’s full time jobs, moving away to London, and balancing the lifestyle of a creative career, with all of us being on a different path. 

It can feel quite daunting to not have that close circle around you anymore. To be going through more things on my own, longing for a debrief and some advice from my friends, but having to leave behind hugs and laughter for texts and patient waiting. Being the one still at home, not yet settled in my career, and feeling as though I don’t have as much to contribute to our catch ups can be really hard. Sometimes I wish we were all back in our hometown, with perfectly aligning routines and regular coffee dates and walks to fill our weeks, but I also know that isn’t the way it’s meant to be, and I’m so proud of them for what they are achieving.

Despite being lonely at times, the distance between us in both schedules and cities, makes us want our conversations and updates to be even more meaningful. Maybe that’s why I feel more appreciative of my friendships now, because we have to make much more effort to continue to care for each other, making it feel so genuine and thoughtful when we do. Remembering important dates, or apologising and asking for all the details if we forget, sending each other videos to watch, and the classic “this made me think of you” photos. There’s something so heartwarming about receiving lots of little messages on their current life situation, or a long voice note detailing their daily plans on their commute. I feel so thankful to have friends who care about how my week has been, or who make me feel as though nothing has changed when we’ve been too busy to speak for a while. Growing up together, moving away, and back again, our friendships have stood the test of time and some tough times at that, and so I know they will last for all that is thrown at them ahead. They’ve been by my side through so much, and me for them too, and we will continue to do just that even when we’re apart. 

I came across a short film by Chloé Jones, graduate Graphic and Media Designer from London College of Communication, which so beautifully reflected the exact feelings I’m trying to describe. ‘Okay, Love you, Bye.’ is a love letter to her female friendships, capturing ‘the significance of platonic love’, which was highlighted to her when her sister and best friend moved to Australia. Missing these two meaningful relationships from her life, Chloé’s piece acknowledges the ‘value, reliability, and consistency’ of these friendships, bringing light to a bond that can often be overlooked. Watching it, I could hear my own friend’s voices, and thought it was so lovely that we have this universal experience of appreciating our friendships even from afar. Have a watch of Chloé’s wonderful piece here, and I’m sure you’ll feel some of that gratitude for your long distance friendships too:

Growing closer to my friends despite the distance is something I am so grateful for; connecting the dots between our cities and schedules through voice notes, the hope of future plans and small reminders of times spent together in the walks I take and memories that appear in my photo album. Although at times I wish it could be another way, I really do cherish them even more knowing all that we do to keep holding on to each other.