The Art of ‘Getting Over It’
By Isabella Quelch
It’s 2025 and girls whatever grudges we’re holding, it’s time to let it go or to put it a little more harshly, get over it!
In changing times where growing up can feel like growing sad, and mistakes often pave the way to messy make-ups, the only real cure might be learning to let go.
There is a valuable lesson in learning to breathe, learning to change perspective and learning that somewhere on this planet that doesn’t stop spinning is your capacity to let go. You would not be human if you didn’t care but this guide is for those moments when you know that it’s time to go.
“Life is emotionally abusive” – Taylor swift, Midnights (2022). No matter who you are or what you’re going through, whether you possess an Aquarian nonchalance or have the emotional tenderness of a Cancer, life as so perfectly put by TS, is often challenging.
Please do enjoy and/or feel comforted by my guide to getting over it- whatever ‘it’ is.
Disclaimer- all emotions are valid and sometimes a mountain of comfort food cannot conquer your ‘it’…. but sometimes it can. This guide is for getting over your Mr wrong, your particularly bad day or that job you didn’t quite get.
1. Feel It to Heal It
Sometimes, the only remedy for a bruised heart is a good cry, a tub of your favourite ice cream, and the comfiest pair of pyjamas you own. Allow space for your emotions; be tearful, be indulgent in comfort food, be Bridget Jones lip-syncing to ‘all by myself’- most importantly, be sure that this basking in your feelings last no more than 3-5 pyjama days. Allow yourself those 3-5 sacred days of wallowing—an emotional reset where comfort food, nostalgic films, and melancholy playlists become your personal survival kit… but set a timer on the pity party.
2. Cathartic Releases (here comes the angry notes app messages)
Emotions are meant to be felt, and sometimes, the best way to release them is to let them out—loudly, messily, and unapologetically. Cathartic releases can take many forms, and they don't always need to be pretty. One of the most effective ways to release pent-up emotion is by writing it down. Whether it’s an unsent letter, a dramatic text you’ll never send, or a voice memo rant, expressing yourself without restraint can be surprisingly therapeutic. Journaling your feelings or venting to a friend will provide emotional release, while channelling frustration into something artistic—painting or poem writing—can help you process what you're going through. Sometimes cathartic releases include things that are bad for you like a Sex and the City-style ‘sad girl smoke’ or a Carrie-Bradshaw-inspired-session of retail therapy. Speaking of Sex and the City, find friends to talk to… perhaps with a cocktail in hand!
We all have that one text or rant that sits patiently, locked for eternity in our notes app… and that’s okay. Your profound thoughts and deepest darkest feelings deserve a place in this world aside from the labyrinth of your brain, and that’s why talking and writing (despite being anger-provoking) is healthy. Who would’ve thought fiery anger might be the second step to breathing clean air and letting go?
3. Finding Peace Through Nonchalance
In step 3 we start to get more productive. Ultimately, this phase is about reclaiming control. You are no longer at the mercy of your feelings or of other people’s actions. This step is about changing your emotional landscape, shifting your focus from what you’ve lost to what you can gain. Think of it as fake it till you make it, only this time, you're faking a bit of emotional detachment to protect your peace until you genuinely feel it.
In this step you must stop romanticizing sadness. It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of revisiting painful memories—whether from a breakup, a failed dream, or any kind of personal disappointment. That is a kind of emotional nostalgia that keeps you trapped in the past. You might find yourself overanalysing what went wrong, and, in the age of social media, it’s tempting to stay plugged into everyone’s life, but, you don’t need to know what anyone is doing right now or feel like you are missing out. Give yourself permission to disengage from things that make you unhappy :)
It’s also important to recognize that this phase is about letting go of expectations—of yourself and others. Stop expecting closure from people who can’t give it to you, and stop expecting your life to follow some linear, predictable path. Life is messy, and disappointment happens in all areas—relationships, careers and personal goals but you don’t have to let those disappointments dictate your worth. Embrace the genius that is calmness. Trust that, while things didn’t work out as you’d hoped, the world doesn’t revolve around your past. There are bigger, better things waiting for you on the other side of this moment. Let yourself detach from the need to understand every single thing that went wrong. Instead, focus on the here and now—on what you can control and what you can learn. Unfortunately for you, I am about to remind your heart-broken self that rejection is redirection. It’s a phrase we all know (and hate), especially if you are as stubborn as me but it is oh so true.
The mental relief that comes from this boundary-setting means you're creating room for something better to enter your life. It’s the emotional equivalent of cleaning out your wardrobe—you have to get rid of the old, ill-fitting items (the painful reminders and counterfeit dreams) to make room for new opportunities.
This is your permission slip to start moving forward, equipped with your newfound nonchalance. So, take a deep breath, and know that you're on the path to something bigger and better.
4. Reconnect with You
In step 4, you’ll be pleased to know we are reviving you. Make room for the person that only you truly know and love. Reconnecting with yourself is the final step in the art of getting over it. Rediscover the hobbies that you know bring you joy. Find the music, fashion, work, art, friendships that make the mosaic of your soul. I should inform you that as you ‘reconnect with you’, it is imperative to note that retail therapy is a temporary fix and your overdraft will not heal you… chose healing, not handbags …. but if the shoe fits walk in it, the heels might heal you! If fashion is your thing I won’t discourage you from a shopping spree. Sometimes, looking good and feeling good work in synchroneity. Do what makes you happy, be that a new hobby, new clothes, new pjs, new nightlife or maybe even a new city! Set small, manageable goals that reignite your sense of purpose, whether they’re related to your career, creativity, or physical well-being. Try to become your own biggest fan. Revival is synonymous with peace, so, plan solo adventures or impromptu dates with yourself to explore new places and have new experiences or stick to old pass times that provide guarantee joy. Each small step you take rebuilds your confidence, creating the momentum you need to reclaim purpose and embrace your new direction. With your sense of self, I assure you that you will feel unstoppable… and so far away from the disappointment that once felt staggering xxx
