Chronicles of the Nottingham Flops: episode 1 - the christmas party
Chronicles of the Nottingham flops: episode 1 - the christmas party
By Alice Naish & Joda Amankrah
Fourth year they said… nobody said it would be crazy but damn, they never said it would be this bad.
It’s not to say that we’re not having a fun time but we’ve recently (during a 2AM spiral) come to the conclusion that we are in fact ( Joda Amankrah & Alice Naish) flops. Not only just flops, THE NOTTINGHAM FLOPS.
Whilst we were once ‘cool’, ‘charismatic’ and ‘charming’, we have now become the worst versions of ourselves… as the youths would say we have absolutely NO aura.
Introducing episode 1: the christmas party
Part 1: Pre-party
A month in advance, we sent out our party invites via Snapchat group story ( first flop), as the views racked in ( <40 ), we were yet to receive our first response, however, this did not kill our christmas spirit ( it was October 31st).
After a “successful” Halloween Pres, we considered ourselves quite the party planners; we thought, “ nothing a humble LED strip light and UE Boom can’t fix’ ALAS, we were SO wrong.
With numbers to our Christmas Party, projected to be in the 60s, in reality, the Naughty and Nice list that we’d haphazardly stuck to our living room door, shared with us the painful truth: 39 attendees.
Snowflakes stuck to the ceiling, tinsel wound along every surface, we thought, we’d done it. Yet, a day before the party, the messages began to flood in:
L**Y, 22: “Sorry we’ve all got deadlines xx”
B****A, 22 :“I’ve got this horrible flu - so sorry I can’t make it”
N**E, 21: “I’m in Wales”
Panic had truly set in…
Part 2: “ Bring anyone”
Be honest, if you were invited to party and, on the day of, told to “BRING ANYONE!!!!” Would you go?
No, even people who said they were coming didn’t come…
Part 3: The Party
With beer pong set on the table ( like an Alabama frat house) and PAWSA booming, the clock struck 10:30, there were no men to be found.
Normally, we’d celebrate this, but that night it was more than a travesty. Eyes glued to Snapmaps alongside some anxious nail biting, finally the knock came, a group of 4 men (projected to be 12) stepped in.
Elf ears were on, speaker struggling to boom, the party was well and truly underway.
For our resident flop, Alice, usually half a bottle of wine would’ve have washed the anxiety away but this was different. One extra strong Snus and 1 “tacky” chun later, she was indeed the hostess with the mostess.
She did the rounds, asking EVERYONE and we mean, EVERYONE:
“So what do you think of this party?”
I, (Joda - resident flop #2), finally came down from my room (bad move). Lacking common ground for conversation, I decided on exposing my crushes ( yes, plural), to their friendship groups - I even made them guess who it was…
Unfortunately for our presumed “party of the season” it ended abruptly at 01:30, thanks to, #specialmention, our brilliant housemate Amy choosing that exact moment to start cleaning up.
Was the party over? We guess so.
Part 4: The Aftermath
Whilst attempting an afters, at our own house, it was apparent that the one round of ‘Fuzzy Duck’ would not suffice (flop).
However, there were still a few men present, one of them being THE Nottingham Lad ( William O’Leary) - the other being an injured boy (on crutches) who was only staying for the comfort of our sofa…
Despite our attempts of bribery through beer, they too left ( after drinking our beer).
Part 5: The Next Day
After asking everyone their thoughts of our party, we received staggering reviews:
Freddie, 21: “ I heard numbers weren’t that low”; he in fact did not attend.
Will, 21: “9/10” ; sympathy or honesty, I guess we’ll never know.
Archie, 21:“ It was much better than your Halloween Pres” ; we’re still deciphering whether this was a compliment or an insult.
All in all we had fun, and as a good friend once told us “ You may be losing but at least you have family”
Though fun was had, we can in fact confirm, it was indeed a flop.
But hey, at least we’re trying.
XOXO, THE Nottingham flops.
