Monogamy, Modern Dating, and the Myth of ‘Seeing Where It Goes’
By Lottie Tragatschnig
Guys will take you out, wine and dine you, keep up the illusion for a few weeks, and then, on a random Thursday, you get *the text*:
“I don't want anything serious right now."
Ah, the modern dating cycle. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Are men in their twenties the new designer drug? Because, if I’m honest, my friends and I were all recreational users. We dabbled. We indulged. We got swept up in the high of attention, the thrill of potential. But were we playing with something stronger than we could handle?
Okay, sure, we were drawn to older men for various reasons - their confidence, their stability, their ability to order a bottle of wine without hesitating at the price. But I couldn’t help but wonder; what do they see in us?
They’re in their mid-twenties, have degrees, hold down nine-to-fives, and walk around acting like fully functional adults. And yet, when it comes to relationships, they regress. Same energy as a 14-year-old boy avoiding eye contact at school.
I’m not saying the next guy I date will be my future husband. I’m not even sure I believe in that fairytale anymore. But what I do know is that I’m not here to waste my time on some temporary, two-week, non-relationship, that will leave me feeling emptier than before. It’s not even about wanting a relationship, per se, it’s about the way these things leave you feeling afterward. Some people can handle casual things, good for them! I, however, don’t have the mental capacity to entertain more than one person at a time. If I’m dating you, talking to you, choosing to spend my energy on you - congratulations! You are most likely the only person I talk to.
Recently, I was seeing someone. We went on a few dates, had a great time. The chemistry was there. Then, on our last date, one thing led to another, and things… happened. Or, almost happened. Halfway through, I stopped. I made it clear I wasn’t ready to have sex with him.
And just like that, the dynamic shifted. Dry texts. Slow replies. A week later, like clockwork, I got *the text.*
“I don’t want anything serious at the moment”
And I couldn’t help but wonder… did he call it quits because I wasn’t ready to sleep with him?
It’s funny, isn’t it? How sex has somehow become less intimate than saying I love you - or even just being exclusive. How is it that you can be physically intertwined with someone, the closest two people can ever get, but commitment is the part that feels too personal?
So, is it that men have an innate aversion to monogamy? Or is it something else? In a city like this, with its infinite options and never-ending distractions, has monogamy simply become too much to expect?
I’m not embarrassed to feel this way. Maybe my standards are high. Maybe I’m just over it. But I refuse to sit around “seeing where things go” when I already know the answer.
I honestly don’t know how many more
“I don't want anything serious right now",
or
“sorry, I barely text - I’m just NEVER on my phone"
conversations I can endure.
One of my friends is so emotionally tied to a guy she never even slept with. She said the less physical they were, the more she wanted him. It’s like men have this inexplicable chokehold on us.
"I knew he didn’t want a relationship, but I thought if I kept it casual, he would eventually want more."
I used to think that way, too. For the longest time. But I’m done chasing men who are clearly not worth the effort.
I’d rather be single forever than settle for less ever again.
