You’ve Got “Love” All Wrong

You’ve Got “Love” All Wrong

By Joda Amankrah

Amidst all the stuffed animals, love hearts and #galentines discounts, we often forget what Valentines is at its core. 

Love. 

I know it sounds cheesy and maybe a bit preachy, but love isn’t about the presents, the fancy dinners, or the Instagram posts. Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost sight of what love really is and got caught up in what we think it should be. We’re constantly bombarded with opinions—who should pay on the first date, whether it’s okay to like someone else’s pictures (even if they’re just a friend), or the expectation of gifts for every occasion. We’ve set these unrealistic standards for relationships, and then, for those of us who aren’t in one, we’re made to feel like we’re failing; forget the love you get from the people around you—apparently, it doesn’t count unless you’re in a romantic relationship. It’s honestly ridiculous.

So what  exactly is love? 

I need to remind myself of this today and perhaps you need it too. 

To me, love is the certain rhythm to my heartbeat that changes as I get closer to home — a steady pulse stomping harder, as if my heart knows before I do that I’m where I belong. No matter the time or distance, knowing I am returning to my family, fills me with something so inexplicable. The embrace of my incredibly green sofa, the teases of my brothers, the hugs and warmth from my parents- it’s where I am most myself. 

To me, love is when I reunite with my friends from school; we’ve moulded a plan to come back together because we want to. No longer bound by the constraints of the Week A & B timetable that forced us to see each other in-between classes or in the back of science labs, now we make the choice. We’ve written an invisible contract, swearing to each other that we will remain in each other’s lives, a vow etched not in ink but in the spaces between laughter and shared history. Though our time together may not be constant, we remain ever-present - like hazy, golden memories you cherish but can never fully grasp. Love is the quiet promise we have made to always find our way back to each other. 

To me, love is when I am simply in the presence of my people – the ones whom I never have to filter a thought or measure a word, because with them, I am wholly myself. It’s the way we bustle into cinema seats, hold each other close in club queues (because we all swore to not bring jumpers) and cheer each other on every Saturday at our ridiculously uncoordinated attempts at playing netball. Love is found in those silent glances exchanged across the table when someone says something weird or that person walks into the room. It’s in the way we fail at allocated silent time in the library because there is always more to say, in the effortless hours spent curled up on each other’s sofas, limbs tangled like a puzzle that only we know how to solve. 

For you, love might look a little different. It could be in the way they look at you, the way your stomach lurches when you hold hands, the way your heart pounds when you realise how much love they have for you, the pride you feel knowing that in every lifetime, it’s them that you’d choose over and over again. It’s in the quiet moments, the laughter that lingers, the warmth of their presence even when they’re not there. Love might be the way their voice feels like home, the way their absence is a kind of longing you don’t mind carrying. It’s in the certainty that, no matter how time bends or life changes, your heart will always find its way back to them. 

Love, love, love — there is far too much of it in our lives for us to get caught up in the scurry of the world. It’s not just about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it’s not about the dramatic gestures or whether they walked on the side closest to the cars (though, bonus points if they did), love is in the small things, the everyday moments, the people who make you laugh until your stomach hurts.  YOU  have love! An abundance of it, you just have to pause long enough to notice it.

One more day until the big one – so spend it with the people who make your heart feel full.