When He's Offline, But Your Still Hot

When He's Offline, But Your Still Hot

By Joda Amankrah

You’ll probably be saying hello to July in one of five ways:

1. In a relationship

2. In a situationship

3. Yearning for a relationship

4. Freshly out of one

5. Looking for a fun time (and a fun time only)

6. Not even remotely focused on relationships
   
   

If you find yourself in categories 2, 3 or 4 — this one’s for you.

I'm sitting in category 6. Not because I’ve been on some soul-cleansing journey to embrace singleness or consciously unlearn the romanticisation of relationships. Nope, I just happen to have other things on my mind right now. Also (and let’s be brutally honest), I don’t fancy anyone at the moment.

The last time I was even slightly entangled with someone, it ended — as most of my romantic escapades do — with tears, horizontal living, and the ceremonial addition of new heartbreak anthems to that playlist. You know the one. 

My housemates barely flinch anymore when I sigh, “Ah, that’s my [insert name] song.”

During that particular romantic tragedy, one of my best friends actually cornered the boy and said, “You really need to look inside and reflect on your actions and your feelings.” It was funny (and slightly devastating) at the time, but her words have stayed with me.

Because here’s the thing: I spend so much time picking myself apart after things don’t work out. And I know I’m not alone in this. The second a guy starts acting off, I turn inward. I dissect every interaction, every outfit, every word. I even question whether my perfume was off-putting.

• Shit, did he see my side profile? 

• Oh God, it was when I had a heavy dinner and wore a skin tight top

• I was dancing way too weirdly last night!

But here’s a radical idea — maybe it’s not always about you.

I know, wild. But hear me out.

Sometimes, the reason someone didn’t like you, or ghosted you, or kept things vague until they fizzled, has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. It could just be… them. Their own internal mess. Their unread emotional manual. Their fear of confrontation, or commitment, or (my personal favourite) decency.

It’s draining, isn’t it? Not just overthinking situations — but overthinking yourself.

You are replaying, criticising, analysing moments that felt light and authentic at the time:

• You wore that top because it made you feel amazing — not just because he might see you.

• You laughed (fine, snorted) because something genuinely made you laugh — not because you were trying to impress anyone.

And yet, after things go wrong, we retrace those steps and ask: “Was that the moment I lost them?”

 It’s exhaaaaauuuuusting.

Yes, being left on delivered for 5 hours can mean they’re  busy. But sometimes, and let’s not lie to ourselves, it’s code for “I’m just not that into this, but don’t want to say it directly.” (Punishable by law by the way) 

In those moments, instead of spiralling into cold sweats, putting your phone on Do Not Disturb, and typing “how to stop thinking about a boy who’s ignoring me,” into ChatGPT,  what if we chose self-trust?

The saying goes ‘Rejection is redirection’ , and yes that’s true, but let’s go a step further.

Rejection doesn’t take anything away from you.

You are allowed to wobble, to feel disappointed, but don’t ever let someone’s disinterest make you question your entire worth.

You are still hot, still brilliant, still entirely yourself — whether they  reply in five seconds or five days.

There’s nothing wrong with you because they don't want you.
If anything, there might be something wrong with them.

You are more than rejection! You are living, breathing proof of people choosing YOU.

In the time it takes for them to reply, think about the amount of people who swarm your text messages, who fill your TikTok inbox with funny videos. 

You are constantly being chosen, it doesn’t even really matter if it’s not by them, because hey! The right one will choose you and they will have absolutely no doubts about their decision.

It’s not you, it’s them!