The Illusion of ‘Another Life’: Why It’s Harmful to Hold On

The Illusion of ‘Another Life’: Why It’s Harmful to Hold On

By Ifeoma Ukaonu

The dance between timelines is so enticing, replaying fractured memories to keep our song alive—even if one day you'll wake up not knowing the music has stopped.

Everyone is drawn to the phrase 'in another life' as though it holds the essence of everything you couldn’t say. It clings to the nostalgia of shared moments, the unspoken weight in their eyes, the warmth of your first connection, the fluttering pulse in your chest when they first called.

It wraps you in a glow that only exists in memory, like a soft twilight lingering just beyond reach. It draws you back to a cosy feeling, one you've only known with them, making the connection feel uniquely yours.

All that remains is the sun’s last kiss before the chill of dusk quietly takes over, leaving behind a lingering glow that softens into silence. It’s why your moments must stay alive, only in memory; without any real change, you can continue to rewrite and replay your happiest moments.

The feelings that once stretched across time now feel like they belong somewhere else—another world, another life. Somewhere, where you can keep holding out hope for a better story, a story where you are together and are happy. But nothing aches as much as accepting that something so deep and so consuming can simply end with just a few words: 'I can’t do this anymore' or 'I didn’t mean for this to happen.’

You do this when you have so much emotion but no place to put it. Since that person is gone, all you can do is pour your love into a well, hoping the illusion of its endless darkness will distract you enough to keep pouring. But the danger is that wells are not bottomless. That yearning will eventually face you, just as the water you pour into a well will eventually run out.

You are human; we all have loved, or will love, at least once. To fully grasp the effect another person has on your life is nearly impossible, something that only time can unravel. Whether you see their smile in the sun or catch their scent on a random Sunday, those feelings, so strong and all-consuming, make the thought of letting go seem unbearable, as though breaking away would tear apart a piece of yourself.

Yet, just as you hold onto the hope of recreating that love in another life, you can also choose to accept its end in this one, finding strength in the closure it brings—no more striving to validate the experience but accepting it for what it is, over.

Kisses from your past linger like whispers, intimate and impossibly real. Sometimes, your mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. It spins stories, weaving new and false memories to keep the thread of you and them alive. But this illusion is its own kind of prison.

A world that doesn’t exist cannot be opened, and the people meant to touch your heart cannot find their way inside. The revelations you need—the ones that could set you free—are left knocking on a door you refuse to open. All that could be good for you, all that is waiting for you, slips away each time you choose to stay trapped in a fading dream.

Loving an old version of someone is not a resurrection; it’s a one-sided devotion. It will never bring back what you want them to be or create what you long for them to represent. To live in the past is to love a ghost—and ghosts can never hold you.

But where do you put all that love when the person you gave it to is no longer there? Sure, you can try substituting their presence with something else—a hobby, a fling, maybe even an overpriced latte—but will it really fill the void? Honestly? Probably not.

What I can tell you is this: journaling your messy thoughts, trying things you never thought you’d do, and spending time rediscovering who you are can help. Date yourself. Take yourself out for dinner. Buy that ridiculous outfit you’ve been eyeing. Little by little, these things will pull you out of the endless spiral of 'what ifs.'

The truth is, breaking free from the past isn’t about replacing them; it’s about replacing the version of you that forgot how to live without them.

There’s a whole world of beauty beyond what you know and believe. Sure, whoever they are, they’re lucky—lucky to have made your heart bleed for them. But let’s get real: there are other gems out there, walking this earth, just waiting to be discovered.

Now, I’m not saying everyone’s amazing or that just anybody can make your heart skip a beat—because, let’s face it, that’s rare. But really, what’s the plan? Are you going to mourn the dead forever? Or are you going to get up, make it happen, heal that beautiful heart of yours, and move forward?

Because the truth is, love doesn’t stop when someone walks away. It only stops when you stop believing it’s out there for you.