The Autumn Guide: How to Survive The Season of Growing Apart
The Autumn Guide: How to Survive The Season of Growing Apart
By Ifeoma Ukaonu
Edited By: Joda Amankrah
When friendships fray… the morning of crispy leaves and cinnamon candles welcomes more than the desire to start our mornings early or the need to order an iced pumpkin spiced latte. This new gush of wind, so different from the previous season invites us to think, to reevaluate, to simmer in the new beginnings that autumn brings us.
I’ve mentioned before the aura of autumn, but many actually consider September the start of their New Year.
Autumn is when things really change. Post-grad friends carry on studying or move away to different cities for one reason or another, trains and coaches carrying away our loved ones dropping them off to their new beginning, their new start. At times, friends who once stood so in sync with us, hand-in-hand beside us, begin to slip through our fingers.
Loneliness, the bittersweet cocoon of solitude wraps around our minds like no other. Whether you’ve started working or looking for jobs, starting school or landing in a new place with a suitcase full of dreams, our friendships may fade along with the hope that they’ll remain the same. What does loneliness look like for you these days?
Do you sit in your office reminiscing about your uni days? Is LinkedIn getting tired of your numerous applications? Do you sit at your window scrolling on TikTok wondering if you should give Bumble BFF a try?
I, for one, can tell you that sitting inside, most definitely does not help. Ruminating on a past friendship after burning out, most definitely does not help.
So, let’s take a moment to reflect, to be introspective together.
Loneliness this time of year really hit me hard.
I was so used to seeing my friends, every day, all day. My nights were drunk off of laughter, and my mornings were dowsed in conversations; meaningful, impactful, conversations I will always remember. So, when I moved back home, I didn’t realise how much the silence would eat at me. I’d wait for the clock to hit 10:00, only to spiral by 17:00. I was convinced I hadn’t done anything meaningful, like once it hit that time there was no reason to do anything because the day had already run away.
I started trying to get back into my old hobbies, like ceramics, playing guitar, even writing… It all felt like I was trying too hard, trying to squeeze and contort myself into a version of me that was three hours away by coach and at least an hour and half on the train.
I was away from the very place that made me sparkle the brightest and that version of me only existed when I had my friends around. Their motivation, the hours we spent together, losing that, losing them, was harder than I ever expected. So fighting to get the same feeling, I didn’t know would prove to be so much harder than I expected.
I wonder how you would handle this change. I wonder how you’ve been coping with it. But since I can’t hear you, hopefully me sharing what I’ve been doing will help with that loneliness!
1. Be welcome to new environments! We cannot change the fact that our friends are far away so welcome new opportunities for a different life.
2. Find something new! Sometimes our old habits/hobbies are not enough to bring back the curse of nostalgia, so instead go out and evoke new emotions derived from different situations, stimuli, spaces – go wild, let people inspire you, let people break up the same stories you’ve told to yourself.
3. Keep in touch! Genuine friends won’t just forget about you just because you aren’t in the same place. They might be busy, they might live far away but that’s the whole point of telephones - you can pick them up and call whenever/whoever you want, so say hi!
4. Be hopeful! Your situation can turn around at any second! You can meet new people, you can connect with friends who you haven’t necessarily been in touch with, and for now even if loneliness seems like a bore, make it fun. You can do that because you have decided to, you can choose to love this season of your life because you know a better one is coming. As long as hope can still knock on your door, there is no need to worry about being lonely anymore.
Xoxo, Ify.
